Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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