It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
