he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
