What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
