I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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