we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
