There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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