Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
