So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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