Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
