dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
