the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
