I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
