he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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