yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
