You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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