Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You pole danced in your parka.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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