Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
