Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
