i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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