I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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