I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
