I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
