Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
