do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
