Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
