im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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