Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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