garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
