bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Randomize
