i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
