I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
