i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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