oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
