i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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