Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
