so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
