I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im holly from the hills drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
