I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
