I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
