I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
