So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
