woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
