i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
