Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
