She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
