first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
