There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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