things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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