I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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