I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
