We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
