I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
