I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
