i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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