So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
