Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
