Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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