life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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