should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
